Letting Go!

Letting go is always one of the hardest things in life ...

whether it be of a friend that you are no longer close with or it be a death of a family member or friend, or a death of an animal ....

It's a hard thing ...

but it's a part of what we call life!

 

Well my parents had taken Smokey and put him into a little pet carrier and kept food and water and such in there with him  ....

that way if whatever was wrong with him was contagious, he would not spread to the other cats ....

they kept the carrier in their bedroom ....

this is so hard for me to write .....

as the tears fall and I try to write this through the blur of the falling tears,

I try to find the positive ... yet I don't seek it .....

I know that every single one of Gods intentions are good and he makes EVERYTHING happen for a reason!

My dad has gotten rid of Smokey ...

where exactly he has taken him is unclear to me at this point ....

I know the last time one of our cats got sick and was like on his last breath my dad took him "to the farm" (I'm guessing it's the woods)

So I am guessing that is where he took Smokey ...

My dad and brother just walked in and there is no SMOKEY!

My baby is gone!

 

It will take me some time to be used to him being gone ....

he was my baby!

I will always LOVE you and Miss you severely Smokey!

My poor baby!

one of our cats is sick ...

very sick ....

his fur is separating from his skin and it is BRIGHT red ....

he has been losing weight for the past month or so now .....

he looks really bad ...

his eyes look all sunken in .....

there is a sore above his right eye ...

and he cries sometimes from the pain ....

he will only eat or drink if you put it in a dish and hold it up to his mouth for him ....

my dad said he thinks he has cancer ....

he might be dying slowly ...

and I love him so much ...

I don't want him to go ...

he is about 8 years old!

My poor baby smokey!

 

I Miss Ya Girl!

The past few weeks I have really thinking about my friend Alicia that passed away last July ....

I miss the girl SOOOO much ....

July 22 it will have been 1 whole year that she has been gone from the living .....

I need her here so much that it is not even funny!

I have been so emotional the past few weeks thinking about how much I know she would love to see me trying a relationship with a guy ....

and as much as Mark and I may argue, I know he is a really great guy ...

and I know Alicia would just adore him .....

and I know they would get along so well, I wish she was here to talk to me about things

and so that we could laugh and carry on again ....

I wish I could have helped her more with the problems she was having ....

I still blame myself for what happened to her .....

if I would have been a better friend and been visiting her more than maybe this would have NEVER happened!

I just hope that Alicia has forgiven me for being such a bad friend to her the past few months she was alive!

She was an amazing woman ....

she always put her problems to the side to help everyone with theirs ....

which I think may have been part of her problem, never dealing with her problems just made things build up .....

until it was unbearable and then she just exploded and left this world!

I just wish she would have opened herself up more to us to help her deal with her problems ...

she never wanted to talk about them ......

ALICIA JOY STRAUSS, I love you girl and I always will, remember that you are always in my thoughts and there is forever a place in my heart just for you! Nobody can EVER steal that away from you! I wish you were here right now so I could give you a huge hug and just talk to each other and cry and reminisce about the past we had together! I will never forget your beautiful smile and laughter ... I will never forget all the things that you have done for me! You hold a special place in everyone's heart that you ever met and came to know on a personal level ..... and I know that Miah misses you, when we talk on the phone he will not talk to me about you ... he says it's too hard for him! I understand ..... Julie is the only one that will talk to me about your passing! We miss you more than we could possibly miss anything!

 

I love you girl and will always miss you!

Sour Mood

I am in such a sour mood that it is not even funny .....

I need to get out of this rut soon too because I got paid today and I am NOT trying to spend that money as I know I would normally!

I really need to save so I can get my own place!

And today i just realized I am not going to get to use the rest of my vacation time this year because of being short staffed ...

and I have 45 hours and 45 mins left .... I am flaming PISSED!

Our fiscal year runs 8/1-7/31 .....

therefore we have to have all vacation time in by the end of the 2nd week of July!

IMPOSSIBLE with the situation at my store!

I am frustrated to no ends about this ... I worked hard and deserve this time and I can not even enjoy it ....

I will now lose this time .... because my company is greedy and will not roll it over!

WHATEVER!

 

Next thing that is bothering me ......

I compromise for Mark left and right ......

but when does he EVER compromise for me?

NEVER!

That's when ....

and when did I take notice of this ......

great question to ask .....

Last night after I wrote my entry!

I had thought about it all last night and this morning and thought ....

'it has always been what he wants or we don't do it .... or I am a WHINY baby .... or he says other things about me .... when is it his turn to do something I like but he does not?'

And what a funny time for all of this to happen too .....

this past Sunday was the playoffs for his football thingy .....

Every Sunday he has a football game from 8-9am ...

and he REALLY wanted me to go to the playoffs, but I did put my foot down there and say no because it was my one day off for that week and then I had to work 9 days straight and that I just wanted to relax .....

of course he got mad ...

but he also got over it ....

well my boss' husband (the owner of one of the food places in the mall I work at, and one of the players on Mark's football team) had started the past two days on why i was not at the playoffs on Sunday and that I BETTER be at the game this Sunday ....

I need to support my man ..... which Lisa was there the one time he started and she stated "she don't have a man, Mark is not her man, they are just friends so she does not need to be there to support him!'

I love Lisa so much ... she reads my mind so well, it scares me!

well he kept saying to me all day today whenever he saw me ..... "8 o'clock Sunday Theresa .... 8 o'clock .... you better be there .... I'll be looking for you!"

"well I am NOT going to be there .... I'm not coming ..... I compromise for him in plenty of other ways and he has yet to compromise for me ... I went to the first game after we started talking and that's enough for me until he can do the same for me!"

Lisa's smart behind says "Yeah that was when she was still excited about him...."

"I still am excited about him, but I am tired of having to do things I don't like for him and he can not do the same for me ..... it's not fair!"

Ed stood there in shock that I just busted that all out there .... and then said "8 o'clock Sunday, you better be there to support my boy Marcus!"

"well as I keep saying ..... I AM NOT COMING!"

 

I think I am in such a sour mood because of the weather and of working so much ....

I am just exhausted from life in general ......

what am I going to do ..........

I don't want to be stressed or depressed anymore .....

I HATE both of those feelings, I really do!

No Sleeping here!

My dad calls me at work tonight around 8:30ish to tell me that someone tried climbing in my window while I was at work ....

how freaky is that ...

I am now scared shitless to go to sleep ....

I HAVE to open the window because I am on the third floor and it is hotter than a mother up there ....

now I have to close my window EVERYDAY (mind you it's summer) when I leave and but a board on the window ....

now my room will be like 1,000 degrees when I get home from work ....

I am so pissed off and scared  .....

what if the person tries to come in while I am sleeping?

Sometimes I am a heavy sleeper and sometimes I sleep lightly ....

what if they try to come in one night while I am sleeping heavy?

I am so scared!

 

Anyhoo .......

I had a GREAT day at work today ......

I did however have to work open to close (9:30am-9:30pm)

so my feet are swollen and I am exhausted

We had our goal in by 3:30pm ....

piercings and $ AND I had GREAT coupon percentages!

My boss was so glad to hear my numbers at 4:30pm (we have to call numbers in EVERYDAY at 4:30pm)

WE closed at 170% to plan, 100 and something to comp (last years sales) 250% to piercing plan and piercing comp, and was at 83.33%to coupon upsells (meaning 5 out of 6 coupons that were redeemed today I got them to spend an additional $25 to get ANOTHER coupon)

I am so proud of myself! :)

I have a girl that I can hire ....

but there is another girl that I want to interview first ....

I called the other girl for an interview but she never called me back (I had to leave a message)

So soon I will be back to 40 hours and 2 days off .....

YEAH for relaxation .....   :)

boo that I will have to give up the GREAT paychecks! :(

 

Well I have to work tomorrow morning so I better get some sleep ...

I will be reading journals either tomorrow after work or thursday after work ....

Hopefully Mark and I are doing something tomorrow when I get off of work! :)

Pimping out my Girl

My girl Barb has created a new journal ....

please go visit her at her new place .....

it has all kinds of cool things for parents to do with their children ....

if she does not see that people are reading she will close ....

and I don't want that to happen, she has some really good ideas there!

So please keep her new place going and stop by and see her!

here is the link:

New Journal Lies Here

Thanks for your love and support!

It means a lot ot her and I! :)

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!

I am so sorry that I am late about this ........

My journal celebrated it's ONE YEAR anniversary while my internet was down ....

I had a beautiful little entry ready to go for when it came ....

and then

POOF

my internet was broke!

So I am sorry MLH!

Mommy owes you a better .... even better .... one next year!

Here I Am!

Well I am so glad to be back here in j-land

AND to have all my 187 journal alerts DONE!

Yep it did not even take me all day ....

as I thought it would ...

I statred took a 2 hour break came back for a few hours then left again for about another hour then was here for another 2 hours and I was done reading!

I am proud of myself ...

I was a little worried that I may not catch up and that I would be behind throughout the next week ...

I had off today but starting tomorrow I have another long week ...

I have to work 9 days straight without having another day off ...

i am so exhausted here lately and have not been wanting to do anything!

Mark even called me lazy yesterday ....

I know he was kidding but I was serious ...

I know I have been lazy lately ....

I am 21 and yet i act like I'm 70!

I am pathetic!

I need to be able to work 45 hour weeks and have one day off each scheduled week and be okay ...

but I can't!

and it's not even like I work in a hot sweaty factory or anything ....

not saying that I got a job in an office building that has a.c. and I can sit on my ass ....

because I work in the mall .... where they keep the heat on all summer long ..... and we are not allowed tosit down!

And there is always something to do ....

I really just wish I could be like most people my age ...

please do not think I am complaining because I am not .....

I love my job VERY VERY much!

Speaking of loving my job .....

I got to GIVE my first interview yesterday ...

my boss was there with me ...

but I was nervous as all get out ....

and my regional (her pic is on my sidebar ... Angela) gave me a diamond ring for watching the region for that week she was on vacation ....

and a wallflower thing from Bath & Body Works!

I will have to take a picture of the ring and post it later this week ...

I have to get batteries for my digital camera .......

It is absolutley beautiful!

 

Well I gotta run ...

Lisa, the kids, and I are going to Maggie Moos Ice Cream ...

It's 100 degrees here .... and feels like 115!

Cleaning!

After I got home from all my running around this morning

I did manage to get some stuff done

I got my laundry done

and I got my bathroom cleaned!

However my internet is acting stupid,

so I did not get around to anyone's journals!

I was trying to figure out to post an entry from an instant message

then that way I could post an entry from my cell phone

but I couldn't figure it out!

Oh well ....

my internet is working for now!

I hope it last long enough for my to catch up on my journal alerts!

 

Have a great evening and great friday!