A memory I'll never forget!

Well today was an odd day for me!

As any of you that have been reading my journal for the 2+ years I have been here today marked a very tragic day for me today!

Today marked a 2 year anniversary that still lurks in my mind and haunts me daily!

2 years ago today my friend Alicia Joy Strauss had passed away!

I miss that woman more than I can really express lately!

I wish she were here to help me with a few situations I am going through.

I know that sounds greedy, and she is helping me more than I probably care to admit!

She was a great friend and sometimes I had been so ungrateful to that!

I had not realized just how good she was to me!

Oh yea I knew she was a good person and a great friend, but I didn't realize how much more she meant to me then I cared to admit until everyday after her life was taken I grew to love her more and more even though she was already gone!

I still talk to her often and tell her how much I love her and miss her!

I was a good friend to her but I definitely could have been a whole lot better too!

I had a LOT of regrets when she passed and I still hold some of those regrets!

I could've been a better friend and maybe she would still be here ...

although I know when it is your time to go God will take you no matter what!

But it is so hard for me to say goodbye sometimes!

I am so sorry Alicia, I love you and miss you so incredibly much!

 

However, some of you know I had a date today as well ...

It was great!

A real gentleman!

Something I am not quite used to!

I can't really think of any reasons to not like him ...

however today was one of those days where you think about what is right and wrong and what feels like should and should not be!

And I just don't feel like I am ready to pursue any type of relationship right now!

I have WAY too much going on right now in my life!

I mean look I can't even keep up with journals anymore ... SORRY!

I had to delete alerts from all of you for the past week now ... the alerts were just adding up more and more and there was no way I could read them all!

I might be turning my alerts off for a while ... I have some things I need to get focused on and take care of!

I need to start acting more like an adult sometimes!

I promise I will try to get everything figured out soon and be back to reading your alerts soon!

Please forgive me!

 

Bi&*%! Fit Day!

I am having the biggest b*t*h fit EVER (I think)

I can't stand where my life stands sometimes ...

I have been through a lot!

No one has ANY idea half the things I have been through!

I try my hardest to be such a strong person!

I have NEVER had my life handed to me on a silver platter!

Then there are times that I just think I am not strong enough ....

that I am just one big baby!

I love my job .. yet I hate it!

I know that I am the ONLY person that can change my life ... but sometimes I get so depressed and don't know how to handle what has been dealt to me!

I just want to sit and scream and cry!

I just want a change!

I want a car!

For crying out loud I am not asking for much!

Yet NO ONE understands!

NO ONE knows what it is like in this life of mine!

NO ONE!

Yes some people have had some of the same experiences but not ALL of them TOGETHER!

How do you think it feels to be told from your mother how worthless you are and that she is going to kill herself because you decided after 15+ years to get back in contact with your dad and for her to tell you, you destroyed the family and her life?

How do you think it feels to want to be close to your mom but can't?

Can't because she treats you like crap and don't care what happens to you and does not want you to be in her life!

Can't because she does not treat you like her own blood daughter!

My life has so many issues ...

What to do ... what to do!!

Random pictures!!!

So I thought I would share some of my most recent pics ...

Chilling on the bed!! Lookin cute, as always lol!!

 

 

My true beauty!!!

 

 

Just relaxing!!! I love to just chill sometimes!

 

 

Cookie and I chilling!!

 

 

Daddy and I

 

My cousin Rick and I

 

Jade .... not related to me ... then it is some of my cousins (my moms side) Quinn, Holly, Rick, Dylan (the little guy in the front), Brandon!

Quinn and Holly are sisters! Jade is their cosuin from their dad's side .... I am related to them by their moms side!

Brandon, Rick, & Dylan are brothers!!

 

My cousin Jeanette (her brothers are Rick, Dylan & Brandon)

Dylan in the front, then in the back it is ... Aunt Eileen, her son Randy, Rick, Quade & his brother Clayton (Quade & Clayton are the brothers of Quinn & Holly)

 

Grandma Morris (my mom's mom)

 

Rick, Bambi (Eileen's daughter), Randy (the pin cushion lol)

 

Grandpa Miller (my dad's dad)

 

Grandma Miller (my dad's mom)

 

 

Me at my grandparents farm!!! It has been such a long time since I have been here!

 

Me just being silly!

 

Me just realxing

 

Well I hope you enjoyed the pics!!

And as always thanks for reading .. have a great weekend!!

ordering pizza in the future

clicky HERE  .... this is so funny!!!

 

I hope you enjoyed it!!

Thanks Lisa for sharing, that was great!

List of readers

I just wanted to show the list of my readers for my private journal ...

if I am missing anyone .. e-mail me or leave a comment and I'll add!!

 

Readers:

*eml625
*linnpooh
*mastersblynn
*misscarberry
*mrscammoman316
*my3gifts
*nightmaremom
*seraphoflove9001
*therealslimemmy
*tristannmbr2
*xxroxymamaxx
*z7snowflake

This is just too funny for words!!!

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious dad, can you help?"

I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

"Honey," I called, " come look at the lizard!"

"Oh my! gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."

"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"

I was equally outraged.

"Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife..

"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired.(I actually think she said this sarcastically!)

"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting m! y teeth together).

"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (again with the sarcasm, you think?)

By now the rest of the family! had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."

"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.

"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.

"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

"Okay, okay." Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

"Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.

"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.

"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I sp eak to you privately for a moment?"

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labour. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male sp ecies, they um..... um.... masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.

"Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."

We were silent, absorbing this.

"So Ernie's just... just... excited," my wife offered.

"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It's just... that... I'm picturing you pulling on its... its... teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.

"Oh, you have NO idea,"

Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

1 - Lizards - $140...

2 - Cage - $50...

3 - Trip to the Vet - $30....

4 - Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie..... Priceless

Moral of the story - finish biology class - lizards lay eggs

Thank you!!

Here I found this over at Lisa's journal ...

thanks Lisa for sharing!!!

And now on to all of you ..... CLICKY ME!!!

And she also shared this too ...  Clicky me!!

 

I hope you enjoyed it!!!

Happy fourth of July everyone!!!

 

 

 

I hope everyone enjoys the day and is safe out there!!!

 

Eat lots of good foods!!!

Enjoy the weather!!!

Have fun watching the fireworks!!!

But NEVER forget what this holiday stands for!!!

Never forget the fallen soliders to make this country what it is today!!

DARN IT!!! I MISSED IT!!!!

So I totally missed this journals 2 year anniversary!!!

 

 

I AM SO MAD!!!

I knew it was coming up and wanted to do an entry but time slipped from me and the thought of my journals anniversary slipped my mind with it!!!

So here I am 20 days late!!

HAPPY 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY My Life Happenings ...

This journal sure has changed who I am and the way I think and live!!!

Thank you everyone for all your continued support over the years!!!

I know I don't use this journal much anymore ....

I use my private more ...

But I had grown and realized that I just didn't want random people pulling my journal up and reading confidential moments of my life!

So I had created a private and I never wanted to get rid of the journal of where I started so I kept it and use it for things I don't care if everyone reads ....

Like surveys and such!!

Anyways, thanks everyone for standing by me for so long!!

I appreciate it more than my words can express!!

30 questions!

I stole this from Barbara over at Confessions of an angel waitress

 

I want to see your answers too ... so get to it LOL

 

1. What is your nationality? My mom never really sat me down and told me all the different sides between my mom and dad so i'll just stick with American LOL

2. Do you believe in angels? Yes

3. Can you cook? I am still learning a lot of new things ... I know alot of the basicsbut nothing too fancy

4. What part of your body is the most attractive? my eyes .. look into my eyes LOL

5. Name 1 thing you regret? Spending all that dang on money when I lived in flordia and when I first moved back up here instead of saving it and getting an apartment and a car!

6. Do you sing in the shower? love to sing (Not that I can) but not in the shower

7. What is your sign? Sagittarius

8. What is your favorite t. v. show? medium, bones, girlfriends, passions, days of our lives, deal or no deal, the king of queens, the simpsons and so so man more!

9. Are you afraid of the dark? nope, unless something happened that day and I am afraid that person might try to come seek their revenge at night while I am sleeping!

10. Do you believe everyone has a soul mate? sometimes I do then there are times like now that I go back and forth thinking there is then thinking there is not!

11. What time do u go to bed? when my eyelids close

12. If you had one wish what would it be? to be ableto accept alot of the bad that comes into play in my life!

13. What's the last thing you do before you go to bed? lay down!

14. Do you think your psychic? no

15. Name one person that makes you smile. Latoya

16. What is your favorite clothing store?   lane bryant

17. Who's the last person who called you? Jess, my assistant

18.love or lust? what about them???

19. What's the last thing you purchased? some things from wal-mart for around my house and some groceries! (ALL GOOD FOODS FOR MY DIET YUMMY!)

20. Do you like candles? Yes, LOVE EM!!!

21. How many computer's do you own? 1

22. What's your favorite room in the house? my living room

24. Do you save or spend? I am trying to save now but I used to always spend

25. Are you picture happy? yes so bad that a few call me vain!!! AH WELL who cares!

26. What's your favorite number? don't have one

27. Are you happy with your name? not really I wish I had something unique and different

28. Have you ever called someone the wrong name? Yes

29. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?  depends on how I am woke up .... if the phone is ringing then I answer the phone, if I woke up b/c I need to pee then I pee, sometimes when I am stilll grouchy then I come to the pc to check e-mails and such first to get me feeling better! Especially when I have comments on one of my journals or my myspace page!

30. What is a good policy? Say your "I love yous" before its too late!

REALLY BEHIND!

I just wanted to let everyone know ...

I am NOT avoiding you ...

or your journals ...

I have just had a lot going on the past few days ...

therefore I am WAY behind my journal alerts!

I still have alerts from Wednesday ...

I will get to them soon I PROMISE!!!

Just please be patient with me!!!

Say Goodbye

Baby come here and sit down, let's talk
I got a lot to say so I guess I'll start by
Saying that I love you,
But you know, this thing ain't been
No walk in the park for us
I swear it'll only take a minute
You'll understand when I finish, yeah
And I don't wanna see you cry
But I don't wanna be the one to tell you a lie so

[Bridge:]
How do you let it go? When you,
You just don't know? What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Everything I tried to remember to say
Just went out my head
So I'ma do the best I can to get you to understand

[Chorus:]
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you, it's me
I gotta gotta figure out what I need
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

But now your heart is breaking
And a thousand times I
Found myself asking, "Why? Why?"
Why am I taking so long to say this?
But trust me, girl I never
Meant to crush your world
And I never
Though I would see the day we grew apart
And I wanna know

[Bridge:]
How do you let it go? When you,
You just don't know? What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Girl I hope you understand
What I'm tryna say.
We just can't go on
Pretending that we get along
Girl how you not gonna see it?

[Chorus:]
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you it's me.
I gotta gotta figure out what I need
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can't do it
I, I just can't do it
Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can't do it
And sometimes it makes me wanna cry
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh [4x]
Do you hear me crying?

[Chorus:]
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you it's me.
I gotta gotta figure out what I need
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

[Chorus:]
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you it's me.
I gotta gotta figure out what I need
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

 

~~ Chris Brown ~~~ Say Goodbye

start it with a "T"

Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following... They MUST be real places, names, things...

NOTHING made up! If you can't think of anything, skip it.

You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

Your Name: Theresa

Famous Music artist/group: Toni Braxton

3 letter word: The

Color: Teal

Gift/present: Tennis Bracelet

Vehicle: Taurus

TV Show: The days of our lives

Country: Turkey

Boy's Name: Tom

Girl's Name: Tracie

Alcoholic drink:  Tini                             

Occupation: Teacher

Flower: Tulips

Celebrity: Tyra Banks

Food: Toast

Reason for Being Late: Traffic

Something You Shout: THAT FUC***

One Word

One Word...

1. Where is your cell phone? desk

2. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend/S.O.? Sexy

3. Your hair? black

4. Your mother? hate

5. Your father? non-existent

6. Your favorite item?  computer

7. Your dream last night? ended

8. Your favorite drink? crystal light (I know it is supposed to be one word, but that's impossible to put in one word)

9. Your dream car? any

10. The room you are in? living

11. Your ex? Liar

12. Your fear? love

13. What do you want to be in 10 years? married

14. Who did you hang out with last night? myself

15. What you’re not? complete

16. The last thing you did? type

17. What are you wearing? jeans

18. Your favorite book? Gianna

19. The last thing you ate? oreos

20. Your life? learning

21. Your mood? BLAH!!!

22. Your friends? busy

23. What are you thinking about right now? HIM

24. Your car? n/a

25. What are you doing at the moment? thinking

26. Your summer? vacation

27. Your relationship status? confused

28. What is on your TV? nothing

29. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday

30. Last time you cried? yesterday

31. School? graduated

ABC

A-Available or Single? How about confused???

B-Best Friend: Jessie & Lisa

C-Cake or Pie: Cake

D-Drink of Choice: crystal light

E-Essential Item(s): cell phone & computer

F- Favorite Colour(s): Purple (and pink)

G- Gummy Bears or Worms? Gummy Worms

H- Hometown: York, PA

I- Indulgence: Chips  

J- January or February: Just February

K- Kids: non existant

L- Life is incomplete without: love 

M- Marriage Date: non exsistant

N- Number of Siblings: one brother and one sister

O- Oranges or Apples? oranges

P- Phobias/Fears: ANY bug, spider, snakes 

Q- Favorite Quote: Say your "I love yous" before its too late

R- Reasons to smile: god wants me here for some insane reason

S- Season: Spring/summer 

T- Tag Three: ????

U- Unknown Fact about Me: I am scared of love!

V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? I eat what I want

W- Worst Habit(s): Eating junk food

X – X-rays or Ultrasounds?:  I don't think I've ever had an ultrasound .. but tons of x-rays

Y- Your Favorite Foods: Pizza, Fries, Lasanga, Ice Cream, salads, fruit, bbq chips 

Z- Zodiac: Sagittarius

Pimping another journal!!

This one is one of my old readers ...

she has come back and started a new journal today ..

please go visit her and give her a warm welcome!!!

 

Thanks everyone!!

I really appreciate all the love you guys give me and my fellow j-landers ....

I think it is really great that quite a few of you went and saw my high school BFF and left her comments already ...

you people rock!!!!

 

Anyhoo ...

here is the link to Amanda's journal ...

oh and tell her I sent ya!!!

From The Heart

My new nail design

Here are a few pics ....

these first two are of a flower/catus Kori bought me a little while back

 

 

 

Here are 2 newer pics of my new hair color

 

 

 

 

My new nail design I got tonight

 

I need your help

I know over the past few months I have lost a lot of my readers due to me leaving j-land for a while!

But whoever is left out there that still reads my journal ...

I need your help ...

it's really corny but I don't care ..

I want one of those "AOL Journals 2 years" graphics ... I have the one year and I saw the 3 year but I need the 2 year for this journal ...

please help me find it!!!! :)

Thanks

There is a new me in town ....

Here are some pics of the new me .....

I hope you like it as much as I do :)

 

 

Here it is mixing up

 

 

another silly picture of me while it sits and develops

 

 

Here I am waiting to wash the conditioner out

 

 

Still waiting

 

 

I just had to throw in a mirror effect pic

 

 

Look at all the hair I lost ... and this is not even all of it! OMG!!!!

 

 

Here is one right after I washed the conditioner out!

 

 

Here it is starting to dry!!! (As I am on the phone with my BFF Jessie .. love ya girl)

 

 

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

And here is an extra one ....

There's my brother looking all handsome :)

 

A lot has changed

WOW!!!

Quite a bit has changed since my last entry ...

I only have ONE best friend ...

one went crazy or something and flipped on me one day for something really stupid ...

and at that point of time I was sick of drama (and still am)

so it ended our 5 year friendship!!!

As for the other one ...

I don't know what happened really!!!

She just stopped talking to me!

She just stopped asking me to do things with her so I stopped asking her for things as well!

I am NOT going to kiss ANYONE'S butt to be my friend ...

I don't care if you are famous ...

I don't care if you are Tyra Banks ...

I am NOT asking anyone to be my friend ..

if you want to be then GREAT ..

if not OH DAMN WELL ...

I don't regret anything though ...

why hold regrets when it doesn't hold a purpose ..

what does it solve?

it can't change anything ...

and at one point it made you happy!!!

So I will just move on from here and be as positive as I can be!!!!

Reading Journals

So I just wanted to let everyone know that I have not been to journals lately cuz it's been crazy here ....

my brother was here for almost a week for easter ...

and I was trying to spend time with him!

Life has been just crazy for me!

I will try to get back into the swing of things this week!

I have off today but Kori gets back from vacation in flordia today and we want to spend time together!

Then I get my house phone turned on this wednesday!

I am so excited ..

things seem to finally be going good for me!

I have the bestest friends any girl could ask for! :)

Nickey, Jessie and Lisa ...

You girls ROCK!

and you ARE my rock!!!!!!!!

 

Private Journal!

I just wanted to let you know that I accidentally screwed up my list of readers on my private journal ....

so if you want added again just e-mail me (butterflies4me04@aim.com) and I'll put you back on!

I am really sorry ...

I don't know what I was doing and I can't remember who all was added!

Other Journal!

I don't know if because I was gone for so long if some of you may have lost the link to my other journal ....

so I just wanted to remind all of you about it ...

Here is the linky:

http://journals.aol.com/butterflies4me04/TheStrugglesOfADepressedMind/

It is a private journal so if you are not already added, e-mail me!

Alot of you are already added!

I just wanted to remind you all because that is where I normally write ... this journal is just for non-important things ...

like my senseless ranting and raving that I don't mind the whole world reading! :)

AOHELL Alerts!

I have not gotten any of my alerts since I stopped writing in here back in august!

I guess the inactivity of my account made it all weird and now it won't work!

I tried reactivating my alerts and I still don't receive the alerts!

I've tried doing an address change and that didn't work!

I am BEYOND frustrated!