Saturday, July 30, 2005

It still hurts ......

It's been a week and one day since Alicia commited suicide and I still can not get over the fact that she's gone forever. I don't want to let go of her, I need her here with me.

But, she is painless now, and in a better place, a better place than here on earth.

I wish she would've had least said goodbye, because then I know I could've stopped her from doing what she did.

I have cried almost everyday since she has left the world. I started crying tonight when I was closing up the store, because I just thought of how much I do not want to have to say goodbye to her. Which I know is selfish and I can't turn back the hands of time ( even though I wish I could).

It doesn't help that right along with a death, work has been very stressful. My manager has not really been "working" in god knows how long. When she is there, she don't do a damn thing. She just wants us to do everything for her, so she don't have shit to do .... well that's not team work. There's plenty more I could say about work ..... but I don't have the energy to type it .... nor do you probably want to read it.

My parents HATE me, and that's ok, because the feeling is mutal. They've done nothing but destroy my life and any self-confidence I may have had, it's all gone now!

All my "friends," have walked right out of my life. Meggan has been so distant, in which I don't know why. I told her today that I've been mad at her .... and of course she never said anything. Lisa is the only person who has been there for me, and she's been by my side for over a year now. Andrea, tends to think her world evolves around guys. So I've decided that I don't need anyone as a friend in my life, because obvisously it's me, not them. I obviously can not be a good friend.

I'm sick of being sad and lonely, but this is how it will probably be for the rest of my life, so I better just better get used to it. I wish I didn't have something to complain about all the time.

Well that's the extent to my boring life ..... no wonder why no one wants to read my entries .....


I Miss You & I Love You Alicia Joy Strauss!

1 comment:

dazeychic said...

Hey now! I read your entries! ;)

I know things seem really yucky right now...but keep your head up sweety! This too shall pass. And no, youll never forget her...and you shouldnt. But it will be easier to deal and accept with time.

As for your family, you just got a lesson at  how short life can be...why not make amends? As hard as that sounds and as impossible at that may be...forgiveness is a great feeling. If you forgive them...who knows! Anything can happen.

But its up to you to change things, no one is going to do it for you :)
Take this tragedy and turn it into a turning point in your life! I know you can do it...I can tell you have some spunk in there!
Let me know if you want to talk...Im here for ya.