Stupid Attorneys & Stupid Witness'! (Mainly Attorneys)

I received this Via e-mail from a fellow J-lander!

Read this when you need a couple of good laughs.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things  people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published  by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these
exchanges  were actually taking place.

 

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year. 
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect! your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you 
                          forgot?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
                          sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
___________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
WITNESS: Uh....
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
____ _________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death. 
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
                         deposition notice that I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have
                          you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
                         What school you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
                      autopsy on him!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for 
                          a pulse?
WITNESS: No 
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
                          began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and 
                       practicing law.

Some things I forgot to tell ya!

Well after Dee came and picked me up, we went to go for dinner!

Well we went for dinner right acrossed the street from where we all lived ...

who is "WE" you ask?

"WE" is ... Julie, Alicia, Dee, My sister, Miah (An old, old friend of mine, I've known him since I was like 5), and I

It was the same place that Alicia died!

Alicia died in her apartment, which like I said was right acrossed the street from where we ate!

We went to Anza's pizza! We ALL used to eat there! There are so many memories there on that block, it was really hard to be there tonight!

Well Dee decided before we went to eat (we were not sure on where to go yet) we wanted to see if Miah was home!

Miah lives on the third floor of where Alicia lived!

Alicia lived on the second floor!

We had to pass her door to get to Miah's door!

I started shaking and Dee got the goosebumps!

We had to go up through the back (it's the only way into both aprtments) and you use the same steps (obviously)!

You walk up to the second floor and if you walk another 4 feet straight you would be at Alicia's door!

If you turn and continue to go up steps, you go on the roof and there's a door to Miah's apartment!

Sorry I didn't mean to get you lost, I just wanted you to understand why it was so hard to do all this tonight!

Well Miah was not home, like always!

So we decided just to eat at anza's pizza!

It was hard, because like I said we all ate there many times and it was right acroosed the street from where she died!

If I turned around in my seat and looked out the window, I could see the window to Alicia's apartment!

Well I just wanted to vent out a few things!

Now I'm off to bed, I have to work tomorrow morning!

The shirt and Dee!

Well I said I would post pictures of the shirt and of my friend Dee ...

Well Viola, here they are!

I know they are not the greatest, my webcam sucks!

Everything comes out dark and blurry!

Now a few things about the shirt,

*I got it done at the fair

*done by an awwesome lady that knows my aunt!

*She did a great job

*I got rainbow colors behind the writing because Alicia loved the rainbow (she was a lesbian)

*I got the angel on the back because Alicia also loved angels

*I was not 100% sure (I was 99.9% sure) on her dates so I didn't get it done that day, but I'm going to get them done, I have the ladies card! I'm getting the dates put underneath the angel!

My Life the past 4 days!

Well I have not stopped thinking about Alicia! I can't!

It's impossible! She's in my head 24/7!

I just want her back!

I don't want to have to come to reality that she's gone!

I want to go back to sharing all my things with her!

I want to go back to cooking dinner for her and Julie!

I want to laugh and have a good time with her again!

I don't want to say goodbye!

Even though I know I have to, I can't!

It's too hard!

As the tears fall down my face as I write this, I wonder when I'll be able to be in her presence again!

It keeps getting harder and harder everyday!

Like today I finally got to talk to her ex (we have been playing computer tag! Everytime she's on she's idle and I can't get to talk to her, or she ims me when I'm away from the computer!), so when we talked to day Alicia came up in the conversation again!

She was telling me how Alicia's sister has been getting into so much trouble! She stole a car and everything! I told her I know it's because of Alicia being gone! I know it's hard for her, it's hard for me!

Alicia and her sister were close (like my brother and I)! Her sister would never do things like that if Alicia was still here!

But if it's this hard for me, I can only imagine how hard it is for her!

She knew Alicia since she was born, because she was younger than Alicia, so she had Alicia since her day 1! So with her being her sister and them being so close, I know it's really toguh for her and she's only 15 or 16!

Julie is going to try to get her for a couple of weeks in the summer (Julie lives in South Carolina)!

(wait it might me Georgia, I can't remember because she was moving and I can't remember if she was staying in the samestate or moving to the edge of the other, she's been back and forth with it)

......back to my point .....

Where did it go?

.......

......

.....

....

...

..

.

Ah ha! There it is!

I hope that someone can help Alicia's sister through this tough time and guide her through life in the right direction!

She deserves it!

Well I'm going to get off here, becuase I need to do some cleaning and take a shower!

Dee is coming to york today to see me ... YEAH! (she got her car the other day)

I haven't seen her since Alicia's Viewing (2 months ago)!

I miss the girl!

So I know today won't be any easier for the Alicia situation, because Dee and I will talk about her and I'm going to wear the shirt I got made at the fair in memory of Alicia ...

When Dee stops by and before we leave to do anything, I'll take pictures with my webcam and post them!

That way you can see pics of one of my friends and see the shirt I had made!

Alright I really have to go now! I have to get done before Dee gets off of work and gets here!

(Please pray for Alicia's sister, Ashlyn, I was just instant messenging Julie and she said she's only 12 or 13 ... she has a long life ahead of her)

Rough weekend! ~~~~~~~~ Missing Alicia like CRAZY!

Yea, the song I'm listening to right now was put on the cd I made for everybody when Alicia passed away .... It was called "In loving memory of Alicia Joy Strauss ... We love and miss you so much and you'll always have a place in our hearts!"

We put a copy in her coffin, but her mom probably got it because she was cremated!

But friday on the way to work, I passed where it ALL "happened" (her death), which was her apartment and I used to live right down the street!

Well I always think of her when I pass there on the way to work almost everyday!

But for some reason friday I got all choked up and was holding back so many tears, but I continued to think of her all day and how much I miss her!

Well then some drama got started about Alicia (of course via my sister, pardon my french in advance but there is NO other word for her, she is a BI**H)

I hate how she's been acting since Alicia has passed away!

I won't go into full detail because I'll get myself all worked up and it won't be a pretty sight!

Well I'll sum it up and say .... Alicia and my sister (Becky) HATED each other when Alicia was alive!

They were ALWAYS at each other's throats!

Alicia even pulled Becky out of bed once (while she was naked ... she sleeps naked .... ew) and drug her acrossed the bedroom floor which was carpeted. Becky has a rug burn scar on her back from it!

Okay that's just ONE of their "fights!"

They really do go on!

But now my sister is acting like they were BEST friends ... they were not!

Alicia and I got along very well ... she even offered me a place to stay when my sister kicked me out of OUR apartment! (I didn't argue because I'm not the type to fight, I try to keep my mouth shut and go with the flow)

But then my dad found out I didn't need them (I never even told them becuase I didn't want them to think I needed their help)!

Well Alicia offered me to stay there then I called my dad to let him know I was moving and what happened! (I told him that way he wouldn't go there looking for me, because him and my sister DO NOT TALK AT ALL)

Well then my dad HATED the fact that I didn't need him and my mom, so he begged me to come home until I was ready to be on my own!

I figured maybe it was better to be with family ... but i should've stayed with Alicia ... maybe I could've helped her a little more with getting her life together!

Which I think about EVERYDAY since she has passed!

I cried 3 days in a row now because I miss her SO much!

I'm crying right now as I write this!

I miss her ... I feel lonely with her gone ....

I never thought this is what a death felt like and that Alicia REALLY meant this much to me!

I don't mean that in a bad way but I mean it in a good way!

I did only know her for a little over a year and in that time I felt like I knew for a lifetime!

So with the little time I did know her ... I know I loved her and would miss her dearly ... but I guess I never really thought about how much I would miss someone because I've NEVER dealt with a death before her!

Now I treasure the friends I do have (not that I didn't before) but now I show them even MORE how much I appreciate their friendship and everything else they do for me!

I want Alicia back here by my side .... I need her!

(I know that sounds GREEDY, and lots of people say that when people they love pass on, but I TRULY know how they feel now)

Alicia had such a big heart, she always put her problems on the back burner and wanted to work on your problems! She never showed her problems either!

She was always giving if she could!

I MISS HER!
I LOVE YOU ALICIA JOY STRAUSS AND I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU!

New Link for Quiz

For those of you that had trouble with my last quiz link, try this one and see if that helps!

Also Linda,

"I just tried to take the quiz but couldn't get it to fully load....I tried twice, and waited 20 minutes and tried again after re-booting but I still can't get it to load. Sorry honey! :(  Sorry also that I'm so late getting back to it...I feel like a bad friend.

Pooh Hugs,
Linda~
Comment from linnpooh - 9/24/05 1:40 PM" ...

you are NOT a bad friend for not being able to do this right away ... it's okay!

I FULLY understand that you didn't have time .... believe me the past 2 days I've had SO much going on that I haven't read any journals and I probably won't get to until tomorrow or monday!

Well good luck all and I hope this link works ... I'm excited to see what ya score!

Here are two more interesting links!

Please help pass my "hot potato"!

Also here is a stupid but addictive game!

 

Have fun, and let me know how hold the button went and if you created a hot potato yourself! (leave any responses in comments)