Sunday, September 25, 2005

Rough weekend! ~~~~~~~~ Missing Alicia like CRAZY!

Yea, the song I'm listening to right now was put on the cd I made for everybody when Alicia passed away .... It was called "In loving memory of Alicia Joy Strauss ... We love and miss you so much and you'll always have a place in our hearts!"

We put a copy in her coffin, but her mom probably got it because she was cremated!

But friday on the way to work, I passed where it ALL "happened" (her death), which was her apartment and I used to live right down the street!

Well I always think of her when I pass there on the way to work almost everyday!

But for some reason friday I got all choked up and was holding back so many tears, but I continued to think of her all day and how much I miss her!

Well then some drama got started about Alicia (of course via my sister, pardon my french in advance but there is NO other word for her, she is a BI**H)

I hate how she's been acting since Alicia has passed away!

I won't go into full detail because I'll get myself all worked up and it won't be a pretty sight!

Well I'll sum it up and say .... Alicia and my sister (Becky) HATED each other when Alicia was alive!

They were ALWAYS at each other's throats!

Alicia even pulled Becky out of bed once (while she was naked ... she sleeps naked .... ew) and drug her acrossed the bedroom floor which was carpeted. Becky has a rug burn scar on her back from it!

Okay that's just ONE of their "fights!"

They really do go on!

But now my sister is acting like they were BEST friends ... they were not!

Alicia and I got along very well ... she even offered me a place to stay when my sister kicked me out of OUR apartment! (I didn't argue because I'm not the type to fight, I try to keep my mouth shut and go with the flow)

But then my dad found out I didn't need them (I never even told them becuase I didn't want them to think I needed their help)!

Well Alicia offered me to stay there then I called my dad to let him know I was moving and what happened! (I told him that way he wouldn't go there looking for me, because him and my sister DO NOT TALK AT ALL)

Well then my dad HATED the fact that I didn't need him and my mom, so he begged me to come home until I was ready to be on my own!

I figured maybe it was better to be with family ... but i should've stayed with Alicia ... maybe I could've helped her a little more with getting her life together!

Which I think about EVERYDAY since she has passed!

I cried 3 days in a row now because I miss her SO much!

I'm crying right now as I write this!

I miss her ... I feel lonely with her gone ....

I never thought this is what a death felt like and that Alicia REALLY meant this much to me!

I don't mean that in a bad way but I mean it in a good way!

I did only know her for a little over a year and in that time I felt like I knew for a lifetime!

So with the little time I did know her ... I know I loved her and would miss her dearly ... but I guess I never really thought about how much I would miss someone because I've NEVER dealt with a death before her!

Now I treasure the friends I do have (not that I didn't before) but now I show them even MORE how much I appreciate their friendship and everything else they do for me!

I want Alicia back here by my side .... I need her!

(I know that sounds GREEDY, and lots of people say that when people they love pass on, but I TRULY know how they feel now)

Alicia had such a big heart, she always put her problems on the back burner and wanted to work on your problems! She never showed her problems either!

She was always giving if she could!



dazeychic said...

Aww! Im so sorry you are having a rough time with Alicia's passing! Im sending you lots of hugs!!
But do keep this in mind...sometimes people, like your sister, may be racked with guilt about fighting with someone...and pretending they were "close" is her way of shrugging off that guilt. It certainly doesnt make it right...but everyone grieves differently...even for people we might not have liked while alive. That guilt will do a funny thing to someone.

But also remember that by remembering Alicia you are keeping her alive. And that is beautiful.

You can still talk to her, and you should! Im wishing you happiness today and this entire week! You let me know if you need to talk girl! ~Shells

(Oh and thank you for your super nice comments at my place! Your so sweet!!!)

linnpooh said...

Awwhhhh extra {{{Pooh Hugs}}} Theresa.
I know how hard it is to lose someone you love, it isn't don't be hard on yourself for having moments and even days of saddness every so often.

It's natural for us to blame ourselves for not doing enough to help someone, but try not to. You were a good friend to Alica and she knew you cared about her. She made her own choices and if someone is hell bent on destroying themselves, nothing you could have said or done would have prevented the outcome. I know the special, loving, girl that you are wants to go fix things for everyone, but sometimes we just can't honey.

Always remember though, those we love never really leave us....we will carry them in our heart forever. When you miss her, tell her so...she can hear you and her spirit surrounds you with love. She is watching you from up above and is proud of the wonderful young woman you have become. I know you are hurting and I'm sending you warm hugs and a heart full of love....if you need me, I'm just an e-mail away. You matter...don't you ever forget it!

Pooh Hugs,

dazeychic said...

Ug! I just did your quiz...and it seems Im a horrible friend! I only got 70. Those questions about piercings and tattoos through me for a loopy! Ek! I thought you had your tounge pierced! haha! ~Shells xoxo