So the after affects from yesterday were definitely on today!
I was really in a grouchy mood and people noticed it!
I was not trying it on purpose, I just couldn't help it!
I tried to get out of my little rut ... but I couldn't!
I did for a little bit when I was at wal-mart shopping with Lisa!
I almost cried a few times at work today!
Just thinking of my family and what I come from hurts!
It hurts even more to know that it will NEVER change ... they will always be this way!
Knowing what I've gone through makes me feel weak and strong at the same time!
It makes me feel weak, becuase I think, "Sheesh, I've been through a lot .... when will it slow down?"
It makes me feel strong because I think, "Well if I can go through that then I can survive almost anything! There are things worse than this, but I know if I keep thinking positive, I will succeed to the fullest!"
But all of those thoughts never change the fact of how I HATE my family!
I know everytime I say "HATE" someone always says, "You should never say that world because that is a very strong word and ... " yada yada yada .....
But like I said before I HATEmy family!
I know and understand what that word means ... and I truly do feel this way ... there is no second guessing my feelings about it!
I just want to jump up, move out of state, leave no trace, change my last name, and start fresh!
But I know I can't do that because of my brother!
I could not imagine living my life without my brother!
I need him ... he is the ONLY family member that I love!