Thursday, May 11, 2006


Well as I said last night ....

Mark and I are on a 'break' for a week ...

and this is ALL my doing!

But it HURTS so bad!

I want to call him so bad right now!

I have never had feelings for any other guy like this before ...

and that is weird because we have only been talking for a little less than 2 months!

How weird is that?

Or is that I just get my feelings in a relationship too fast?

I think I do grow feelings really fast!

Well, last night we exchanged some words ...

it was not pretty at first!

Not at all ...

I did not confront him about not calling and whatever else ....

that was the least of my worries at that point ... plus he had already pretty much explained it before I could ask!

Well I think he was upset more than anything that I really did not want to talk to him for a week!

Mark, "You really don't want to talk to me for a week?"

"No!"  ~~~~ (When I said this it felt like someone had taken my heart out of my chest cut it into a million pieces and threw it away! It hurt so bad .... because I do want to talk to him, I just emotionally can NOT!

"OK!            OK!              OK!"

He just kept saying okay, like damn this is really hurting me, but I can't let you know that!

I felt like a horrible person!

Well  I ended up having to call him this morning to wake him up at 7:30am because he moved into his own apartment last night and something happened with the electric ... now I know he could have used his cell phone but I didn't say anything ... because I could use that as a good excuse to hear his voice!

Well he told me to have a good day and thanks for calling to wake him up.

I told him thank you and to have a good day too, and that he was welcome for calling him!

Well I was getting ready to walk downstairs to leave for work and my phone started ringing ...

weird .... no one calls me this early ....

Guess who?






Yep ..... you got it!


I am so weak at relationships and standing by what I say ... of course I am DYING to talk to him ... and I instantly think "WHAT IF SOMETHING IS WRONG? I HAVE TO ANSWER!"

ME  "Hello"



"I know, I know ... we are not to be talking right now but I just needed to call and ask you a question! Are you okay?"

(INSTANTLY I FROZE IN SHOCK .... I WANTED TO CRY! I was speechless ... this showed me that he does care and does want to share a valuable relationship with me ... but why does he do the things he does to me then?)

"Yeah! WHY?"

"I just wanted to make sure ................... Theresa?"


"Please promise me that if you need anything, you will call me. I will keep my cell phone on my?"


"Okay, well have a good day today!"

"Thanks you too ... Mark, thanks for calling!"

"Is it okay if I keep calling to check on you!"

(I felt like I would be a horrible person to say no, because he obviously cares)



So we hung up and went about our merry little ways to work!


Now I am even more confused then EVER!


z7snowflake said...

oh wow. I know it must be hard to not talk to him, specially when he's being so sweet and concerned for you. Thanks for commenting on my journal. I usually respond to my comments when I get them but they haven't been coming to my email lately. I dont know why. Anyway, I hope you have a good day tomorrow. *hugs*

therealslimemmy said...

sounds like he doesnt want to go a week without talking to you :)
but do what feels right to you not us

eml625 said...

Oh sweety, take it slow but  if you miss him like that than dont do this... get your feeling straight and get back together !!!


misscarberry said...

Awwww, I know how hard it is when you're trying to go on a break but every part of you doesn't want to! I think he does care about you, and you never know, a week apart may help sort things out.
Love Sam xXx

linnpooh said...

I'm sorry you are having a tough week honey.....I hope things will work out for you soon. You're going to have to decide what really bothers you about Mark, the issues that truly are serious. Deal with those and forget the rest....or your relationship will always be rocky. Have a good weekend....I'll be thinking about you.

Pooh Hugs,

libragem007 said...

oh ok..I see now that he does wants to hear you (he showed it when he called and asked if you're ok...) I think that's a good sign. Try to "push it  a little" by letting him know what it is that you is more of like letting him get to know know little things about you that he might take for granted unconsciously...but important to you. What he did still upsets you and if you could get yourself to not be afraid he'd find it silly or fear that he won't like you if you actually confess to him these things that bothers you, you won't know his reactions until you open up to him. it comes down to communication and believe me..every couple's core is communication with each other making sure they understand and meet each others needs verbally and emotionally.
Gem ;-)