Friday, August 19, 2005

What a life I lead!

So I'm blessed (not really) to have the most UNWANTED families EVER!

I was on the phone with Elizabeth, and whenever I talk on my cell phone I usually go out back (unless I'm in my room), and I usually take Tabby out with me!

So Elizabeth called and I took Tabby outside with me ... we were out there for about 25 minutes and she wanted to come in because "DAD" was home!

So I brought her in!

Well about 2 minutes of being in, she pissed on the carpet ... well here comes the part that makes me the depressed person I am ....

My mom's "fiance" says, "WAY TO GO THERESA!"

I said, "What?"

"WAY TO GO, NOW YOU CAN CLEAN IT UP!"

"What are you talking about?"

"TABBY PISSED ON THE FLOOR, NOW YOU CAN CLEAN IT UP, SINCE YOU COULDN'T TAKE HER OUTSIDE."

"Oh my gosh, as you saw, I JUST brought her back in the house, we were outside for 20 minutes!"

"WELL, THAT'S NOT LONG ENOUGH, YOU NEED TO TAKE HER OUT FOR 45 MINUTES!"

Now this is the person that said about maybe 2 days ago that we only need to sit out there with her for about 20-25 minutes ....

But now all of a sudden that's NOT good enough!

AND she pissed because she got excited because he was home ... and she wouldn't stay out back because HE came home and she wanted in!

WHAT THE HELL! WHY IS EVERYTHING MY FAULT? WHY ARE THEY PERFECT? DON'T THEY REALIZE THEY'RE NOT?

 

I hope to god, that I can SOON get my spending problem under control and get the hell out of this place ... because I'm not sure how much more I can take of them degrading me, and telling me everything that goes wrong is my fault!

How can I control the dog's bladder?

I can't ... but for some reason they think I can!

WHY?

Did I mislead them somehow?

I just wish that my biological father NEVER would've done what he did so he would've never had to go to jail .... it would've saved me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much heartache and problems in life!

My mom would not have beaten me when I was growing up, I would not have been so depressed about NOT having my dad in my life, and so on!

Because of what he did though ... I'm scared to meet him now .... I'm scared that if I do, it'll cost me my life!

I wish that I could have had just A LITTLE less problems in my life ... I'm not asking for a "PRINCESS" life or anything ... just not as many problems ... maybe just some parents that Love me for me, and treat me like they love me, parents that would be PROUD of what I have accomplished or NOT for that matter, or just even make me feel WANTED and WELCOMED in their lives!

I mean, it's not like I do extremely BAD things ...

I was arrested once for one of the most lamest things EVER (on top of bad luck)

(I just happened to go into a parking lot and wait for my friend's to tell me where we were all going to meet and the cops pulled in RIGHT after us ... I didn't see the "private property, No tresspassing sign" SO we ALL got arrested and a fine [which depended on our age, I was the ONLY Juvenile])

I don't do drugs (unlike my sister does)

I don't drink (AT ALL) (unlike my sister does)

I don't party (unlike my sister does)

I graduated and started college (lunike both of my siblings)

I never got suspended in school (like both of my siblings were)

I was NEVER put in a home (like both of my siblings were)

So why do I get treated like crap?

Why do they get treated like ANGELS?

I just don't get the whole parenting thing ......

in which is why I won't have ANY kids ...

and if for some odd reason it does happen ....

they will NOT be a part of their lives!

2 comments:

nremt8527mla said...

hi theresa,
sorry to hear about all the crap that you are dealing with. i wish i had a magic answer why some parents are the way they are.but no one knows and never will. just keep your head up and move on. someday they will realize what they are going to miss when you leave and maybe then it can get better for you. someday you will meet someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and then you may feel differantly about kids. and something tells me that you will make a great mom. have a good day
mike

linnpooh said...

Oh Theresa....I wish I lived close enough to give you a hug and tell you everything is going to be all right. It will be, too...and do you know why? Because you have the heart, soul, and strength to rise above all that is bad in your life and make something of yourself....and you will. I wish I could tell you why some Mothers act the way they do...I can never understand or comprehend it. This isn't making any excuses for her, because there aren't any...but something must have gone terribly wrong in in her life somewhere along the way. You will be fine though and you ARE going to stop spending money so you can move out of there....it's no wonder you are always feeling bad about yourself. Try not to honey....you really are a wonderful, wonderful, girl and you matter. You hold your head up and say that to yourself every single day..."I Matter". If you start feeling bad...you remember that I care and I'm always sending good thoughts and hugs of warmth your way. I'm only an e-mail away when you need me, okay? I'm proud of all that your are and the promise of what you will become....you matter, Theresa!
Pooh Hugs,
Linda~