Tuesday, August 9, 2005

Why do people lie?

So I must be some sort of horrible person ....  I have no idea what I'm doing wrong! Help!

So my friend Andrea is moving to Harrisburg (about 25 minutes from here, yea it's also the capitol of PA). Well anyways I called her Wednesday or Thursday last week, and we made plans to hang out today and thursday since I had off and I hadn't seen Johanna (her daughter, which will be a year next month), and Andrea for about a month or so now. Johanna is walking now, and I told Andrea that I miss them both and I wanted to hang out soon, she asked when I had off and I told her and she said that's great and we'll hang out both days that I had off.

This would bother me no matter what .... but it really bothers me because of them moving in a week ... and I'll never get to see them that much once she moves.

I tried calling her, because we never set up an actual time or anything. I called her around at 11:20 this morning to see what time we were going to get together .... No one answered the phone .... ? So I called again at 1:40 and the phone was busy. So I figured she had some things to do this morning and now she home on the phone talking to someone .... I'll give her a couple minutes and I'll call back again. I gave it about 5 minutes (she doesn't stay on the phone that long unless it's Kristan [her bestfriend, that we all went to school with] or her boyfriend Steve). Well the call never went through ... so I told myself, "god made all of this happen for a reason, as he does everything, and maybe it's because he doesn't want me to have friends, because I'm not a good one myself, or I chose all the wrong friends!"

I don't know if it's me or the people I choose to be my friends. I don't really talk to anyone anymore, other than the people here in J-land, and Lisa (who is like the ONLY friend I really have left), and Dee whenever she's online and PAYING ATTENTION to me and not the other 10 million ims she has going on! (sorry dee if you read this, but you know it's true, so hey)

Maybe I'm just asking for tooooooooooooooo much attention ... but darn it I think I deserve it right now .... I've been going through alot!

But back to the subject of this whole entry .....

If Andrea were a TRUE friend and really wanted to hang out she would've called me ... and she would've seen that I called!

But I also feel as though if I'm doing something wrong .... are your friends not supposed to tell you so you learn from it .... and not just ignore it?

I need help in this matter, because of it and lack of knowing and understanding .... I've lost almost ALL my friends ... that's why I continue to think it's me that's the bad person.

Once again I want to thank everyone here in J-land that has posted comments ..... you really brighten my day .... and your words always help me realize how wrong I may be sometimes .... Thanks again for all the love and support!


dazeychic said...

Hey sweetie! OK, Im gonna give it to you straight.
Are you sure your ready?
You might not like what Im gonna say...
You asked!

Find new friends.

Period. End of story.

I have tried to look at all angles and the truth is, you do need a shoulder right now...you need someone to make you smile...not make you stressed. And sure, it might be you some of the time, but thats where the word FRIEND comes in! A friend is someone that loves ya and hangs out with you even when you are yucky. Thats literally what friends are for!

Sooo. Dont take this ditching as a bad thing. Its a blessing in a strange disguise... Its telling you that its time to move on...to better things...better people.

I went through the same type of stuff when I was your age...so trust me when I say it's not you.

Your one grooovy chick that needs to be her own friend first.

How will everyone else love ya...if your thinking your the problem? Accept the unacceptable and open yourself up to new friends.

Maybe join a jewlery making class! FUN!!!

Hope this helps ya...sorry its sooo long. Im such a dork!


derasta said...

My daughters can talk on a million im's at a time...I'm not an im person so I always have that setting off...


linnpooh said...

You  want to know what I think? I think somebody sold you a bill of goods that said "you are no good" and you bought it. They convinced you that you're a bad person who is to blame for everything.....and nothing could be further from the truth. From what you have told me, I'm guessing that person is your Mother. I'm not going to step over the line here and say what I think of her, but let me just say this: A Mother is something you are made by nature, but a Mom is something you are made by love. You are a grown woman now and you can think for yourself, you don't need anyone telling you how or what to think anymore. Are you saving your money so you can move out on your own? You need to be in a place where you can see clearly the wonderful young woman that you are. I haven't known you very long, but I can already list many qualities you have. You're loyal, responsible, caring, compassionate, a hard worker, courageous, strong, a good friend, giving, generous, kind spirited, and you want to help others. You're also beautiful, inside & out....so remember it, every day Theresa. Sometimes, with our friends, if we have a bad image of ourself....we can create a problem that isn't there because we see every situation as something we measure our worth by.  If Andrea has a one year old, I can tell you right now...it slipped her mind. No more, no less....nothing personal. She probably saw you had called but has been too busy to return it, not remembering that you were going to get together. Not everything that happens is our fault, honey, unless we look at it that way. Chin up and look at the world....you have a lot to offer it.
Pooh Hugs,